


You Can't Say That Shit Here

by wynw00d



Series: Domestic Malum [1]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Banter, Boys Kissing, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Grocery Shopping, Kissing, M/M, References to Smut, So much fucking fluff, Teasing, this is literally just malum being nerds in a grocery store
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-17
Updated: 2015-09-17
Packaged: 2018-04-21 04:51:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4815704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wynw00d/pseuds/wynw00d
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael and Calum go grocery shopping.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Can't Say That Shit Here

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dafeedil](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dafeedil/gifts).



> This is for Angie because college sucks and is stressing her out and she needed motivation to finish her history essays. Also we were talking about [this](http://wynw00d.tumblr.com/post/129253602874/ifyoucryicry-flowerpetalhood-michael-and) and I wanted to read it but I didn't want to write it... so I wrote it. Heres the first installment of the Domestic Malum series. It's not very long but i hope you enjoy!

“Babe? What is this?”

Michael glanced over from the wall of cereal brands to see Calum holding the box of chocolate fudge pop tarts that he _might_ have thrown in the cart when his boyfriend was looking at those disgusting tasting granola bars he liked an aisle over. Shit. He had been hoping Calum wouldn't find them until later. 

But there Calum was, holding the offending box up with his eye brows raised and his other hand resting on his hip. If he was trying to pull off menacing he was failing. Michael just thought he looked like an irked puppy. Then again he usually thought Calum looked puppy-ish. 

He grinned, turning back towards the wall of cereals casually, attempting to ignore the other boy. “It’s a box of pop tarts, Cal.” 

“No shit. What’s it doing in my cart?” Calum did not sound amused in the slightest. Michael could see the box waving around in the air through his peripheral vision, a grin spreading across his face. His boyfriend was ridiculous. It was just a box of pop tarts. This health binge Calum trying was getting old, and no matter how hard he pushed Michael was not hopping on board. 

It just wasn't happening. Michael needed his pop tarts. 

“Adding a little bit of fun to your bland diet.”

Calum snorted, dropping the pop tarts back into the cart. Michael mentally fist bumped, doing a little mental happy dance. 

Michael 1 - Calum 0!

Michael heaved out a huge sigh, leaning his forehead against the offending cereal boxes, “Where are the Lucky Chaaaarms?”

Calum crossed his arms over his chest, glaring at Michael. “Absolutely not. No Lucky Charms.” 

Michael faked an offended noise at the back of his throat, turning back to the cart with a wounded expression on his face and a hand pressed over his heart, wide eyes on his boyfriend. “How can you say no like that?! Lucky Charms are a FUNdamental part of every breakfast! Get it? FUN-damental? You need a little fun in your life.” Michael raised his eyebrows suggestively, nudging his elbow in Calum’s direction. He was grinning so hard his eyes crinkled shut.

Calum was rolling his eyes before Michael even finished talking, biting down on his lip to stop the grin from spreading across his face and giving him away. “That was a terrible pun. You need to stop.” His boyfriend was such a fucking nerd. He abandoned the cart and made his way over to where Michael was standing, snaking one arm around his waist and resting his chin on Michaels shoulder. “That’s what I have you for, though. Fun.”

Michael hummed, choosing to ignore this new development in favor of finding his cereal. To be honest though he probably couldn't find it because he wasn't looking all that hard anymore. Calum was pressing his hand to Michael’s lower stomach, aligning their bodies more completely. Michael wouldn't be able to ignore him forever. He never could.

Calum began pressing soft, barely there kisses up the column of Michael’s neck, from his clothed shoulder all the way up to his ear. Michael, who was still trying to keep up the pretense of ignoring Calum, tilted his head slightly to offer him better access. He wasn't even sure Michael realized what he had done, a grin spreading across Calum's lips that he pressed into the juncture between Michaels neck and jaw. 

Calum nipped at Michael's jaw line. “You wanna have some fun?” Michael’s breath hitched, unconsciously leaning further into Calum’s front.

“We’re in a grocery store.” 

Calum grinned again at the tone of Michael’s voice. It would never fail to amuse him how easily turned on Michael could get. Calum took a step back, shrugging at the offended whine that left his boyfriends throat. “True.” He snatched up a box of cereal, tossing it at Michael and turning back to their cart. He called back to Michael, who was standing there a little dazedly with the cereal. “Come on, love. We’ve got aisles to travel, food to conquer…”

Michael held up the cereal box, waving it and yelling, “This is raisin brand! We’re not taking raisin brand home. Calum! Come back here!” Calum laughed loudly, speeding up to keep ahead. 

They raced through the aisles, Michael trying to catch up, waving the box of raisin bran around like a beacon. Both ignored the weird looks they were getting from the other shoppers and the suspicious looks they were getting from some workers. 

When Michael finally caught up to his boyfriend he was breathless, panting and giggling as he wrapped himself around him. They came to a stumbling halt, laughing while they grabbed at each other to keep their balance. Falling over would raise more than a few eyebrows. Michael tossed the raisin bran in the cart, leaning in to catch Calum by the lips.

Calum mumbled against his lips, “Tired, babe?” A grin spreading across his face at Michael's little offended huff.

“Shut up. I think that was the most exercise I've done in ever.” Michael pressed his hand to the small of Calum’s back, his other hand creeping under the hem of Cal’s shirt to rub circles into his hip bone. Calum slid one hand up Michael’s arm and to the back of his neck, sliding into his hair and settling there. The other was keeping a hold on the cart, bracing them so they didn't fall over.

Cal shifted to the side, pressing a kiss to Michael’s cheek, then another to his nose. “Your fond is showing.” He whispered, his thumb pressing lightly into the sensitive spot just under Michael’s ear.

Michael just grinned, rolling his eyes before pressing another short kiss to Calum’s lips, “That’s because you're here.” He pulled Calum away from the cart, twirling him before latching onto the cart. He pushed off dramatically, flopping over the handle.

“Hey, floppy fish!” Michael paused, looking back over his shoulder blandly. Calum smiled a small loving smile, eyes locking with Michael’s as he let out a little happy sigh. “I love you.”

Michaels eyes lit up, a small grin sliding onto his face followed by his cheeks slowly growing pink. He looked happy. Thats all Calum wanted in life, to make Michael happy. 

“I love you too.” Michael turned back around and continued pushing the cart, an extra bounce to his step. “Hey, what do you want for dinner? Besides me of course.”

Calum barked out a loud laugh, following after his boyfriend. He wasn't surprised at the sudden change of subject or even the embarrassing things Michael said out loud. “Mikey, you can’t say shit like that out loud. There are children around.” 

“I can and I will.” Michael paused, shuffling his hold on the cart so he could slide his hand into Calum’s. Calum quickly reached out and grabbed the cart with his other hand, stopping it from turning into the shelves and making a huge mess. It wouldn't be the first time they knocked over a display but they certainly didn't want to go through that again. “So… Dinner?”

“I was thinking spaghetti.” Calum swung their hands between them, rubbing his thumb soothingly along the side of Michael’s palm. 

Michael huffed, adjusting his grip on the cart again. “You always say spaghetti.” Steering with one hand was proving to be more difficult that Michael thought it would be but he really didn't want to let go of Calum’s hand.

“Because thats the only thing we know how to make without risk of burning our apartment down.” They turned down the next aisle, Michael detaching from the cart quickly to grab some other box of junk food that Calum would probably end up putting on some other random shelf in the store later. Pop tarts were one thing, they didn't need twinkies or whatever it was that Michael actually grabbed.

Michael dropped the box in the cart, reattaching himself to Calum’s elbow. Calum snorted, placing both hands back on the cart. Apparently he was pushing the cart alone now. Michael pushed his face into Calum’s shoulder, mumbling, “Im gonna learn how to cook.”

“You say that every time we go shopping for food.” Calum stopped, grabbing some more necessities and tossing them into the cart. He grabbed the box of what was actually twinkies from their cart and subtly tried sliding it onto a shelf without Michael noticing.

Michael didn't seem to be paying attention though. He was reading the back of a box crackers, mumbling about their eating habits. “Because I'm tired of eating the same thing all the time. We’re gonna get fat.”

Calum snorted, smoothing his hand down Michael’s back as he squeezed by him to get at the shelves behind him. “You’re the one trying to buy pop tarts!”

“Those don’t count.” Michael flipped his hand in Calum’s general direction, placing the box back on the shelf and moving on down the aisle.

Calum leaned against the handle, following after Michael slowly. “Oh, sure. So what are we doing for dinner then, Chef?”

“Food.” Michael shot a grin over his shoulder, reaching back to hold on to the back of the cart.

“Brilliant. You always have the best ideas.”

Michael hopped onto the ledger at the back of the cart, leaning his weight forward to keep his balance. “Don’t I?” Calum smiled, shaking his head. His boyfriend was so ridiculous. 

Calum watched fondly as Michael hopped off the back of the cart, coming around to stand near him again. “So Pizza?” He offered.

Michael shrugged. “Yeah, probably.”

“Cool, bro.”

Michael stumbled, tossing a disgusted look Calum’s way. Calum giggled, pushing the cart slightly ahead. Michael lagged behind and when Calum looked back he was still giving him an affronted look. 

“Don’t call me bro…that’s just wrong. I suck your dick on like, a daily basis.”

Calum continued walking ahead, hoping that Michael was caught up enough that Calum wouldn't have to yell his next words down the aisle. When he glanced back Michael was speeding up to catch up so Calum waited until he was closer until he pointed out, “You haven’t sucked me off today.”

The smirk Michael shot him was absolutely devilish, taking Calum’s breath away. “I was saving that for dessert.”

And if Calum almost fell over he blames it entirely on Michael because that’s is just _not_ something you say to someone while walking through a grocery store.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr fam! [wynw00d](http://wynw00d.tumblr.com)!!!


End file.
